Actually, it is quite difficult for me to write an article about my thoughts and feelings as a Junior Division PIC as I only have a year of experience. Nevertheless, I will try my best to share my experience with all of you.

At the beginning,
I got to know Soka Gakkai because of P50. If my memory does not fail me, I remember following a WD entering the Cultural Center once when I was 4 or 5. I think this is probably my destiny to find SGM.

I was 14 after the P50 event ended. Then, I was introduced to the Soka Gakkai activities by a WD. Soon enough, I discovered that there are other divisions like Men's Division, Youth Division and the Junior Division in the Soka Gakkai besides Women's Division. Other than that, I never thought of knowing the Soka Gakkai any deeper as I always thought that I was just an 'outsider'.

One day, a Junior Division PIC invited me to help out in the JD activity. I am glad that I did not refuse her request. I began to understand that the Junior Division provides opportunities for the children to grow and learn during this period.

In the year of 2008, every PIC was busy preparing for the 2008 Malam Mesra event. Surprisingly, I was assigned to be in charge of the JD dance performance under the performance section. This is an unforgettable experience of mine as I was not only responsible to teach the children about the steps but to lead the other 8 Youth Divisions to choreograph too. It is definitely unbelievable that they would assign me, a 'new' person to do such important task!

Every one of us choreographed every single part so seriously just to put up a perfect performance. We would meet up almost every Friday or Saturday night to discuss the steps. Fortunately, we managed to complete the choreography of the dance in the shortest time.

At the beginning, the children weren't very willing to co-operate with me because I was still unfamiliar for them. Hence, I determined to give my greatest effort to be their friends and communicate with them. I knew that this is only way to get our hearts closer to each other and in the same time, to be able to run each practice more smoothly.

We kept on encountering problems and difficulties. We had to change to steps, and suddenly there's a problem with the arrangement of the positions, even the manpower seemed insufficient. Nonetheless, this could never stop our faith and determination to keep pacing forward.

After a period of challenges, finally, the day of rehearsal came. When we reached the venue, the Junior Divisions were jumping up and down everywhere! What's worse was their performance for the rehearsal happened to be lousier than usual. Perhaps I was too nervous that I couldn't even control my temper, and so scolded them. Tears were dropping from my eyes. The Junior Divisions were shocked and frightened by my action. Some of them even cried. It was then I received complaints from the WDs.

In fact, I was really scared and afraid of failing this task. I'm worried that all my effort was wasted. I was given the responsibility to be in charge of the overall performance. I didn't want to put every one's effort and dedication to waste, and perhaps this was the root of my stubbornness.

I was lucky to have someone that reminded me about the children having hearts full of curiosity. Whenever they are in an unfamiliar environment or whenever they get a new toy, their curiosity will drive them to discover and learn. It was then I realized that I didn't understand the children well. All the decision that I made was merely superficial.

I wanted to apologize to them on the day before the performance, but I was too shy to do so.
The performance was a successful one and the PICs and performers were all in high spirits. Unfortunately, I didn't feel anything. I had no idea what was happening.

The next day, which was the final day of performance, I believed that that audience, performers, and PICs will obtain a wonderful moment from the performance. While the Junior divisions squeezed themselves into the preparation room, I was just looking at them silently. I'd give them a smile occasionally to relief their tenseness. However, I, myself did not feel relieved even though the performance yesterday was good enough.

I ended up chanting in front of the window to calm myself down and to pray for their victory. I'd gradually hear the Junior Divisions chant too. Their voice with strong determination was getting louder and louder. This made me understood the “power of itai doshin”! And finally, the words "I'm sorry" came out from deep within my heart. I knew that I wasn't the only warrior here in this battle. I have the support from the Women's Divisions, Youth Divisions, and the Junior Divisions. We could only obtain our victory if we have a heart that yearns for success.

And so, I told them that they don't have to worry if the performance is perfect or not. I just told them to get out there and enjoy the show happily with a smile on their face. Their responses touched me and brought my tears out of my eyes again. I knew this is because of that true happiness that I was feeling. I knew we weren't far from that victory we yearn for. And finally, we succeeded.

After this experience, I realized that:
-Time and patience is required to understand the Junior Divisions
-We should really apologize for what we've done wrongly and the hearts of the kids are very pure and innocent.
-Failure is not a thing to be feared of. We could only be aware of our weakness when we fail. Even if we failed, there are still many comrades behind us that are supporting us.

I fell in love with the Junior Division. It is their pure and innocent laughter and smile that I long to see.

This is dedicated to the readers, and me, who are still learning.
Thanks.

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KL R5H1C2 Vicky

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