*Hi everyone, I’m Carmen from R2H4C3. I am indeed very happy to share my experience with all of you, today*

As far I can remember, although I’m a fortune baby, my mom is the main cause that I went for junior meetings when I was small. I didn’t go with my full heart. I dislike going to junior meeting very much and I won’t even pay a single attention to hear what they say. I was indeed very terrible. I even told her off; “let me be! I’m so young! Let me choose my own decision. You know what? You are the one who drag me here! I regretted so much!!!”

I even cry to my mom just to plead her how much I don’t want to go. So it was plenty full of drama. I was pretty a brat last time. And sometimes just follow her and hope that she won’t be disappointed and won’t be nagging me for the whole day. Or else, she will just start nagging or scolding me. What to make it stop? I just close my mouth and follow her to meetings and hoping the meeting will end fast. ASAP!
And this stubborn attitude of mine stuck with me for a couple of years. Even though, aunties will call me & inform me every time for meetings, I will just agree. But deep down under, I was devastated that I have to go. I was very unhappy. Even though if I went, I will keep quiet and keep myself aside. Maybe that was also the cause. I was lonely. I don know the way to communicate. Is not that I don’t want; it’s just that I don’t know how. And things got even worst when I have to move and I have to change chapters. So it’s even harder for me to make new friends.
I’m even more unhappy when I changed chapters. I just went to meetings just to please my mother. But after 1 or 2 years in the new chapter, things started to change.

Unexpectedly, my honbu just started a Drama group. At that time, I just became a junior PTC. I didn’t know the main goal as a junior PTC. I just assume that I’m just the Person-To-Contact and that’s my only job. I still haven stepped out from my shell at that time. And such a coincidence, a PIC called me and asked me whether I want to give it a try at the new Drama group and heard that they also need a helping hand.

I thought about it and I say to myself “Girl, are you serious? You don’t even talk over there. How could you even perform when you don’t even talk? And you know that you have stage fright. So there’s simply no way you’re going to join. It’s ridiculous.”

And that’s the negative thoughts telling me not to go for it and try. But my mom knew what was going on and she encourage me; “Carmen, this is a great opportunity for you to try something new! How would you know it’s bad if you didn’t try? And plus this is a great way for you to breakthrough your weakness.”

After hearing that, I gave it a try. For the first few times, it was a little bit nerve-wracking. But my mom and other PIC’s ask me to chant for success. And gradually, I did. I overcame myweakness; stage fright. And amazingly I started to love performing for audience more and more.Which I would never dare or never thought of doing. I felt something is changing. I started to realize the meaning of mission. The mission I realized at that time is to give my effort in working for kosen-rufu.

I firstly didn’t know the meaning of shakubuku. I asked my mom and she said “practice of shakubuku means to correct another’s fake views and awaken that person to the truth of Buddhism. And plus, seeing people grow and being happy makes us happy too. What makes them happy makes us happy too?” I looked at her and said “whaaat? What are you talking about?” I certainly did not understand what she’s trying to explain. I first thought is the showering cream advertisement that I saw on TV. Until one day I finally understood what she’s trying to explain when I met my childhood friend.

Me and my friend use to be close together. I met him since I was 4. My family and his family use to have a good relationship and we knew thru our parents and gakkai activities. We would play together every time, visit each other houses, we even went holidays together every time as possible. We enjoy every much playing together. unfortunaly we lost contact of each other when I was around 10. Because sadly, he had moved to another housing area. But eventually we met a couple of years later.

As far as I can remember, He use to be a junior member and also a active kid. But when I saw him that time, it was the total opposite. I found out that he did not come out for meetings any more and he became really really quiet. So it’s also an awkward situation even for me when I talk to him. From that on, I know it’s my mission to shakubuku him and to bring him back. Because, thru what I felt, is that I really felt so good and so happy in what I’m participating in. And because of that, I want my friend to feel that and to be happy like what I am now.

I asked for his contact number and tried my best to inform him every single time if there’s a meeting. But unfortunaly he didn’t appreciate what I’ve done and what shocked me is that he use the very same words I had said to my mother few years ago! “You know what? You drag me into this and I regretted coming here!” The law of cause and effect defiantly hit right at my face.

It was a flashback. I couldn’t believe I used these harsh words at my mother last time. I’m sure she is heartbroken and disappointed at that time when I say that to her. If it’s not because of her, I won’t become what I am today. I started thinking. If my mom could change my stubbornness, why can’t I change others and make a difference??? That’s it! That’s the answer! It came directly to me telling me not to give up. My mom told me to keep on the perseverance because she told me that I will get back the answer for my prayer very soon. I listened to her and I made the right decision.

I pray for it and my prayer was answered. After few months, he suddenly told me “you know, I’m sorry for what I said last time I know it harsh and I wanna thank you for non stop informing me. Thank you for bringing me back out” I was shocked but so happy to hear those words.

‘Thank you’ these two words might look small. But they meant a lot. My work finally paid off! I’d never imagine that he would thank me. Since the last time he said that I dragged him and stuffs like that.

This make me realize the importance of my sincere prayer and to see my friend grow thru soka activities. Now it’s him who asks me every time if there’s any meeting! Of course, who else better to share my happiness to nonother than my mother? After seeing this, it makes me so happy and wanted to do so much more. And that’s just the starting. I know there’s gonna be a lot more waiting for me.

The important thing I learned is that; the effort I put in to Soka Gakkai, it will never go waste. And the greatest benefit I get back is, Gohonzon will always protect me whatever I do. And by that I get to accumulate good fortune.

Why would I say that? Because it’s been proven to me. My academic achievements have been achieved more than I expected. Since the very first moment I started chanting, my results have been getting more and more better. Which I’m very grateful that I ranked in the top 3 position in every exam term. It’s a surprise that is totally beyond my expectation. Although, I come out for meeting on my exam days, but I can still maintain my results.

But sometimes I’d ask myself. “Wait a minute! I’m so young, I’m just 14! I can just call my friends and hang out. I can go shopping. I got a life! I suppose to get some ‘fun’! I should enjoy my life! But, why am I here? Why am I spending all my time here? Why do I have to be so active for what? For what???”

I sat down and I thought about it. I ask myself. What is the main objective of Soka Gakkai? Isn’t it one of the main objectives in Soka Gakkai suppose to be ‘creating value’? And I don’t think I will create any value while shopping. And I know that myself clearly that I do, feel so good thru all these activities.

I felt rewarding. I turned from someone who sits at the corner every time, who dare not to speak out to anyone to someone who now dares to say her own experience here and I am indeedvery thankful of what I accomplished and what I turned to now and all this happen because I dedicate myself to gakkai activities. Not to mention, also when the time I saw my friend how he grow.

That happy feeling that I felt, that feeling is so different than other normal ‘happy feeling’ that consists of material stuff. Like, shopping and other things. Yes, maybe some of my other friends might say; “Oh, seriously, come on! You can’t find your fun and your so-called-happiness there! Let’s go hang out at the mall! That’s what I call fun and happy”！

That might be my friend’s thinking. But my thinking is that I don’t need to go to malls just to find fun and to make me happy. Coz I’m already having all my fun and happiness here by shakubuku people and by dedicating my efforts in working for kosen-rufu. I’m very proud of what I accomplished. These 2 years have been really amazing.

I realized that I am very clear that I will continue on this path I choose as I’m absolutely convinced that this is the path of absolute happiness and ultimate victory in life. Just as President Ikeda has once said that life is a struggle with challenges - it is only by surmounting hardships that we can experience true happiness.

Since I’ve missed all my childhood chances having fun in meetings being a junior last time, to top it off, I’m now giving all my time and all my best to do well as a PTC in junior meets. I’m indeed very thankful and grateful to gohonzon of what I accomplished today.

And lastly I really thank all the leaders that never gave up on me no matter how stubborn I was last time. Words cannot express my gratitude towards them. Most of all, my mom. Her effort is immeasurable. Thank you.

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Carmen from R2H4.

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